Choosing Inner Coach Over Inner Critic
Sorting It Out
Choosing our Future Self
The truth of the matter is we do have choices. We can choose to listen to our inner coach or fall into the clutches of our inner critic. Whatever our choice, the results promise to be dramatically different.
What is an inner critic? Our inner critic is that voice in our head telling us that we aren't good enough, don't know enough, or don't have enough. It's that version of ourselves that attempts to steal our confidence ahead of the big presentation. It's the source of our panic attack before the big interview begins. It's the part of us that grants permission to utter, I can't when faced with one of our fears. We've experienced it, but what can we do to silence our inner most critic?
The first step is about strengthening our inner coach by saying, Goodbye, thanks for sharing, to those inner voices suggesting that we might not be ready, qualified, or worthy for our future. We strengthen that inner coach by tapping into two things—self-efficacy and self-respect.
Self-efficacy is the confidence in our ability to think, learn, chose, and make decisions that position us for increased success in the future. Sometimes in this process, we don't achieve the results we seek. That's great! Failing forward can be the best teacher for helping us to learn the lessons which will teach us to get back-up and call on our inner coach to start the process over. Self-efficacy gives us the fortitude to let go of the pernicious small thoughts that maintain the illusion that our inner coach shouldn't be heard. Self-efficacy helps us strip away the false personae and excesses created by our inner critic.
Self-respect is a different kind of confidence. It is the belief that love, friendship, achievement, success, and happiness are natural, appropriate, and that we are deserving of them. It is about caring enough about ourselves and believing that we are deserving enough to never again be trapped by our history or anyone else's. It's about letting self-respect win so that the past doesn't have to predict whether or not we will have future success. It's not uncommon for people to give over to inner critics who talk them out of their dreams because they've had letdowns in the past. Self-respect is about embracing ourselves with a kind of love that empowers us to not only hear our inner coach, but to truly listen to what our inner coach is saying.
Choosing our inner coach is about trusting in ourselves with a confidence rooted in self-efficacy and self-respect, which grants us permission to prepare and perform to achieve our goals, communicate big ideas, and deliver results. It's about leveraging our inner coach so that we don't willfully participate in the act of tearing something down without rebuilding something better in its place and thus freeing us to experience the rewards of the future. Our inner coach, when freely chosen, prepares us to perform in ways that overcome objections and stir our hearts to navigate choices and positively progress toward our goals.
When faced with the choice of following your inner critic or freely choosing your inner coach, stop and ask yourself these questions:
- How much do I trust myself?
- How do I feel about getting quiet, listening deeply and patiently to my inner wisdom?
- Do I hold back from asking the big questions? The difficult questions? If so, what scares me?
- If I could change one thing in my life, what would I change and why?
- How does my inner critic stop me from moving forward?
- What can I do to purposefully chose my inner coach over my inner critic?
Sometimes in the process of choosing between our inner critic and inner coach, we get stuck. If you've reached an impasse or are looking to explore more deeply your relationship with your inner coach, seek the support of a trusted professional who can help you build upon your progress and move forward.
Coach Chad | www.legacyleadership.coach | chad.blando@legacyleadership.coach